I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I need to stop coming to work sober
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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