All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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