I think i peed on brittanys purse
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
