wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
