My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
