I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I didn't notice because vodka
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
