I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
