Three words: puerto rican gang bang
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
