Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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