You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Randomize
