so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
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and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
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I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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