I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Redeem this text for a blowjob
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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