kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
