i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
