Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
