Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
