fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Dicks are not precious.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
