i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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