I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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