I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
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I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
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Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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