Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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