Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
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He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
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I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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