I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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