She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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