At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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