i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
