I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
