Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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