I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Randomize
