Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
