Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize