you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
