bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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