Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
