Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
