You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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