that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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