You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
