I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
