i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
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We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
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I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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