im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
My ATM looks so different sober.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
