I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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