Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I want to fling myself into the sun
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
