the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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