i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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