You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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