Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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