Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I want a musical about memes.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
