I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I am spending my child support on dildos
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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