; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Pappa wants mamma naked
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
