i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
