Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
