That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
