pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
