i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We smell like vodka and hangover
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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