you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
