someone get that fucking seahorse.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
