no, he came in my armpit
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
