If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
