Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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