Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
