Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
