and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
