it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
