Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
