These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
