He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
