bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
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