the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize