took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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