Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
